Feelings
by redqueen-nero
Summary: A selection of drabbles, which show how Shiro copes with what she's learnt: Her decent into darkness/depression, her anger and finally acceptance.
1. Chapter 1

Follows 'Origin'

* * *

**Switch **

Still sulking.

Shiro hadn't moved from the sofa-bed for days; she'd curled herself into a ball and ignored everything. The phone, the door, her own need for food…

_'There's nothing to eat anyway, is there.'_

Some things just couldn't be totally ignored though. Shiro sighed and closed her eyes; the shop was already dark, as usual, but she'd added to that darkness by hiding under her cover. She could barely breathe under the thick sheet and the shop felt cold; she pulled her knees closer to her chest and buried her face in them.

_'Poor, poor Shiro. No reason to exist anymore, huh? Kyrie doesn't need you to protect her since she has the real Nero and all…'_

"…."

_'Do you think Dante will be sickened? Heck, what will Nero think?'_

And there's that feeling…that…heavy sinking feeling in her chest making her feel empty.

So.

Fucking.

_Empty_.

Risho chuckles and Shiro feels an all too familiar pain in her chest. It burns, and Risho's laughter is getting louder and louder, echoing in her ears.

_'It's my turn, honey.'_

Blue eyes open to a void of darkness, nothing but black in every direction as far as she can see, and she sighs again. Eyelids fall over the orbs once more and she just lays there.

She doesn't care anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wrath**

She had to take her anger out on something.

Demonic blood arched through the air; it could be theirs, it could be hers - she was too angry to care. Shiro had gotten over her grief, pulled herself out of her personal darkness and found that anger sat in its place; with no Dante around to take her frustrations out on, she needed something else.

Demons. Killing demons solved everything.

Gunpowder, blood, exhaust fumes from Red Queen all flooded her nostrils, red filled her vision and adrenaline ran through her veins; it was all their fault - fucking demons. Sanctus had become a demon, Agnus turned himself into one too.

Even Credo.

It was over too quickly. So much anger, too few demons. She leaned against Red Queen to catch her breath and tried to push the anger away; her vision cleared and blue orbs drifted to the statue of Sparda.

Fortuna's Savior.

"It's your fault…" she growled. "They did all of that - created me - because of _you_…"

Anger flared once more. Another person she couldn't take her frustrations out on.

_'There's always Dante…'_

"There's always you, so shut up!" she snapped at herself and stormed to the warehouse district; there was always demons hanging there.

However, if Dante came back before her mood was sorted, taking it all out on him might not be a bad idea after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Acceptance **

Shiro was dirty, bloody and tired. Her anger had faded at last, but now she was filled with a familiar emptiness in her chest; she wasn't sure how to feel anymore. Her footfalls were slow and heavy. She fought through the night and into the first signs of daylight; the red and oranges had filled the sky and slowly melted into blue. Shiro had watched it from the pier but it all seemed so…pointless.

A cold came with it. Fall was here.

Shiro stretched up the small steps and slowly opened the door; her tired blue eyes adjusted to the dim office and fell to the small girl scrubbing the floor. "Patty."

Blonde hair flew to one side as the small girl lifted her head and smiled. Shiro cringed slightly; she was too tired for Patty's chirpy nature and she wanted to be alone. "Welcome home!" the small girl greeted. "I haven't seen you for a few days."

Shiro only muttered one word as she closed the door and strolled further into her 'home'; right now, she didn't feel like she belonged anywhere. "Working."

Innocent blue eyes followed her movements. "That's good. I was worried something had happened to you." Patty gripped the mop she was holding tightly and Shiro looked down at her, watching the way the small girl's gaze fell away to the floor.

Despite the surprising meeting, the former knight actually liked the small girl; she was very wise for her age, and grown up, and Shiro felt a little protective instinct growing within her with the more time she spent with Patty. She slowly reached out to pat her head.

_'Even with so much evil in this city, she still remains so pure, eh?'_

Shiro hesitated. She had been created for something evil and some just as evil - or even more so - was dwelling within her. Her hand fell and she continued her stroll to the kitchen when small hands grasped the bringer; she tensed a little and looked back over her shoulder.

"You're filthy! You should wash up while I make us something to eat, ok?" Patty gave the former knight a bright smile and a small one pulled on her lips.

"Yeah, ok," she agreed.

The warm water felt nice against her bare skin and seemed to wash all her stress away; Patty had been kind enough to buy her a bath robe and she left her dirty clothes soaking in the tub. The smell of food drew her to the kitchen where she found Patty on a stool by the stove.

"That's not safe," she stated and gently placed the girl down to take over stirring the pot. "Stew?"

Patty sat on the counter next to the stove. "I thought you could freeze some. It's getting colder."

She nodded. "Thanks."

The kitchen filled with an uneasy silence and the smaller girl fidgeted on the counter, obviously full of questions since their last meeting; Shiro sighed.

"Ask whatever you want to ask, Patty."

"Are you still worried about who you are? Because I don't think it matters. You may or may not be Nero but you're still a good person, right?"

Shiro had been idly stirring the mixture and paused, her eyes narrowing at the floating vegetables. "What if…there is something evil inside…that can get out?"

"It still doesn't matter to me," Patty stated firmly. "Did you find something in Fortuna?"

Blue eyes softened. "Yeah…I'm not…who I thought I was…"

"Good!" The blonde's reply caused Shiro look finally look at her. "Cause that means that you're you - you are your own person!" She grinned.

Somehow, Shiro chuckled at that; it must have been the enthusiasm of the small girl - it was infectious. In a way, she was right too; even if Risho was part of her, she was still her own person. She'd protect Patty from her darker side too; she'd protect the small girl's pure thought of her until the end.


End file.
